HOLY CHEETOS, GONZO: WHAT WE GWINE DO WITH THESE GUYS NOW?

The military tribunal system which was declared "close enough" to due process by a certain former White House Counsel just got folded, spindled and mutilated in the US Supreme Court. Perhaps the one and only departure from accepted practices of criminal procedure that can't be blamed on Ashcroft. Happy posterity, Gonzo, as the guy who wanted to circumvent international law and the Geneva accords and actually put it writing.

AFGHANISTAN: BY GOD, WE DIDN'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES THE RUSSIANS MADE!

No sir, we created all new, original material. The Russians fought an infantry type war there and slaughtered about everybody they could catch. We fought a specialists' counterinsurgency war there and pretty much let everybody escape so they could attack us later.

The Russians pretty much wanted to move in from the North and take over the whole country. We are satified to control about 16 square blocks of the capital and say we have the country under control.

I don't know which is better but the net results sure look a lot alike.

And they are growing those naughty poppies again! President Hamid Kharzai says, if reelected, he'll bring in Tony Grootens as premier to straighten out the drug problem.

IN THE USA, WE CALL A GUY WHO KISSES LITTLE BOYS ON THE LOWER ABDOMEN......

......A PERVERT. In the Russian Republic, they call them "MR. PRESIDENT".

Our country went nuts when LBJ grabbed his beagle by the ears. Putin kissing some kid on the stomach is just not gonna work out at all!

I'd really be worried about this if our president hadn't looked into his eyes and seen his soul. Wonder what W saw down there.

Vladdy might have some strange stuff on his cranial hard drive somewhere.

On the other hand, Russians go for that spectacular tragic flaw in their leaders. Lenin liked to make enemies lists. Stalin had a small violent streak. Kruschev had a shoe fetish. Gorby was too normal and he didn't last. Yeltsin had a small drinking problem (like Janis Joplin had a small drug problem.) Hell, even their Chess Players can't keep it together.

Maybe Putin's running mate next time will be a Cubski Skoutski.

RUSH TAKES A HARD POSITION BUT FACES STIFF OPPOSITION, ATTITUDE REMAINS "UP'

I really don't give a rip about Rush's pharmacology hobby but this is too funny. He gets a deferred prosecution, then faces losing it for an Rx he could easily have gotten written.

He's already made himself deaf with drug use. Now he's blind to the obvious risk he's taking. Vision problems are advertised warnings in Viagra ads.

WITH DUE CREDIT TO KEITH OLBERMANN LAST NIGHT

"When the democrats call for a reduction in force, it's 'cutting and running'. When the administration calls for it, it's 'Military Intelligence'"

AMERICAN SOCCER TEAM: WHY DID THEY LOSE? SHOULD THEIR COACH BE FIRED?

Nearly universal answer: Who cares?

THE PRESIDENT DID A GREAT THING--AND I DON'T MIND SAYING SO

First, little-known fact. My congressperson, my senior year in High School, used her one appointment to the United States Merchant Marine Academy on eighteen year old me. We all have personal heroes and one of mine was a senior at the MMA while I was a senior in HS. Following in his footsteps seemed like a cool thing. About half way through the fitness test (which was kind of a quadathlon, swimmming, rowing, running and running stairs), I wasn't sure it was gonna be such a swell idea but I passed and was appointed. Due to a sports injury and what seemed a superior opportunity, I ended up declining the appointment, even got a "thank you" note from the guy who took my place. Still, I've always had a special appreciation for the Academy and for Merchant Commanders in general.

I knew that the MMA has never gotten the attention that the three principal military academies get but didn't realize that, until last week, a sitting president has Never addressed its commencement. Well, President Bush broke that chain and he is to be admired for it. As anti-terrorism becomes increasingly important, we are going to require Merchant Commanders of the highest integrity and acuity. The president's recognition of the Academy will help educate people on its importance to that effort and to the U.S.'s balance of trade.

Well Done, Mr. President. And congratulations to this proud institution for its role in world peace and trade.

RETIRED GUY FOR ADAMS COUNTY SHERIFF PART II, "I HATE DRUGS MORE THAN THE OTHER GUY!"

How is it that the republican candidate for Sheriff says he committed to fight drug crime when:

1. When he was in leadership in the Nall/McCoy administration the Sheriff's Department cut its commitment to the Drug Task Force by 50%. It took the election of Sheriff Fischer to replace that commitment;

2. The GOP candidate was so committed to fighting drug crime, he retired from law enforcement altogether.

3. When he was in the Sheriff's Department, he had a leadership position. If he disagreed with the way drugs were being combatted, where are the memos suggesting a different approach that would be even more effective?

Jon McCoy is a nice man and I prize his friendship. Still, even nice guys behave like opportunists when they become candidates. That's what this smells like.

"RETIRED GUY" FOR ADAMS COUNTY SHERIFF CHRONICLES, PART I, CANDIDATE TRADES ON DEA AGENT'S NAME

The next three days will be taken up with the adventures of "Retired Guy". More on Motorcycles and grandchildren later.

Today I relate to you some inside baseball. About six weeks ago, a very close friend of mine solidly connected with the republican party, told me "I know you've been hearing it around but no way TG can afford to Join Jon McCoy. It's not going to happen and Jon's not going to promise it." This was off the topic my friend and I were discussing and I have no way of knowing why it seemed so important for him to tell me this. This particular friend is known to be talkative. Truthful but talkative.

Of course then Retired Guy, candidate for Adams County Sheriff, announces that he'll "hire" TG and save the world from the meth scourge!

So I guess there are four possibilities:

1. My friend knowingly lied to me; (I reject this one)

2. TG's circumstances changed and my friend didn't know or didn't tell me (possible, but unlikely);

3. TG has no intention of changing jobs but that didn't stop McCoy from saying it (don't like this one much either);

4. McCoy troops purposely fed my friend disinformation, knowing he would pass it on to someone close to Sheriff Fischer like, for instance, me.

At the end of the day, My friend has to deal with whatever really happened but, in any event, it is a look in the clue box of how local republicans play the game. This is the kind of intrigue that would have made Bob Nall in his prime proud. Purposely using a straight shooter like my friend to spread disinformation, the kind of stuff Nall would have in place before breakfast. More to come, I'm sure.

Who was Nall's Chief Deputy? Oh, silly me. I get it now.

THERE'S TOO MUCH MISSING INFORMATION IN THIS STORY

What instrument did she play?

Is there surveillance video? If so, how many Freedom Of Information Act Requests have there been for copies?

How many requests have there been to assume his office, in case the grateful talent placements continue to stop by?

How you think he'll do on the defense that it was "unrelated to his teaching position?"

Will this boost the crowd at her next performance?

Does she even need to bring her Euphonium or will the crowd think they signed up for Euphoria?

If Bloomington Normal gets any weirder, will it become part of Florida?

Ex-ISU prof charged with soliciting student for sex
By Greg Cima gcima@pantagraph.com

NORMAL - A former Illinois State University professor is accused of convincing an undergraduate student to perform a sex act on him as repayment for his help in getting her a paid musical performance, authorities said.Michael I. Forbes, 33, of the 1100 block of North Fell Street in Bloomington, has been charged with official misconduct. A warrant was sworn out as a result of an indictment handed down on Wednesday, said ISU Police Captain Don Knapp.

Forbes was booked Sunday and released after he posted $500, 10 percent of the $5,000 bond set by the court. A court file says Forbes solicited the student to go to his office to perform the sex act after he helped her acquire a job performing a musical performance, which paid $250.

"He resigned May 15," said Jay Groves, an Illinois State University spokesman on Friday night. He said that was all he was able to say."In the performance of his job as a music teacher, he got this student to do something he shouldn't have," Knapp said. Forbes was an assistant professor of Tuba and Euphonium in the School of Music at ISU.

Reporter William Barker contributed to this story.

Thanks to our friends at the Pantagraph for this story of firm dedication to the Student Body by a hard core educator

HEY!: WHILE WE'RE "PROTECTING" MARRIAGE FROM "ACTIVIST JUDGES".....

Perhaps we can consider this.

Court: Teens Can Marry Under Common Law
By JON SARCHE Associated Press Writer
(AP) - DENVER-A 15-year-old girl can enter into a common-law marriage in Colorado, and younger girls and boys possibly can, too, a state appeals court ruled Thursday.
While the three-judge panel stopped short of setting a specific minimum age for such marriages, it said they could be legal for girls at 12 and boys at 14 under English common law, which Colorado recognizes.
news230();

Senate President Joan Fitz-Gerald said she was appalled by the ruling and said lawmakers need to look at the issue next year when the Legislature reconvenes.
"That's a child. You're taking advantage of an undeveloped person, putting them in a situation that's for life. That's something we need to take a look at," the Democrat said.
The ruling overturned a lower-court judge's decision that a girl, now older than 18, was too young to marry at 15.
The panel said there was no clear legislative or statutory guidance on common-law marriages, and that Colorado courts have not determined an age of consent.
For traditional ceremonial marriage, Colorado law sets the minimum age at 18, or 16 with parental or judicial approval.
Colorado is one of 10 states, plus the District of Columbia, that recognize common-law marriage, which is based on English law dating back hundreds of years.
"It appears that Colorado has adopted the common-law age of consent for marriage as 14 for a male and 12 for a female, which existed under English common law," the ruling said. "Nevertheless, we need only hold here that a 15-year-old female may enter into a valid common-law marriage."
The appeal was filed by Willis Rouse, 38, who is serving time for escape and a parole violation. He argued that he and the girl began living together in April 2002 and applied for a marriage license a year later.
The girl had become legally independent by then, but her mother also consented to the marriage and accompanied the girl and Rouse to obtain a license, the ruling said.
A judge invalidated the marriage, saying anybody under age 16 needed judicial approval for either common-law or ceremonial marriage.
While Thursday's ruling found that the girl was old enough to marry, it did not conclude whether she and Rouse have a valid marriage. The court sent the case back to the trial judge to make that determination

Am I missing something or is this an invitation for horny teachers to move to Colorado, misbehave and then say "Oh, this is all right, we're common law married!"

THE UNSEEN HAND OF THE MARKETPLACE: CENTRALIZED DAY SURGERY

Pssst, Hey, Wanna Buy a day surgery center cheap?

What a concept! Quincy will only support one day surgery center. This probably would have been a good thing to determine before two different entities started competing for day surgery business.

Anyway, it all has a happy ending for whoever holds the mortgage. The payments will be made and the bricks will still be red and we'll all live happily ever after. Wouldn't you have loved to see the market research that encouraged the building of that structure a few years ago? "If you build it, they will come" only works for ball fields in Iowa.

THIS JUST IN: ZARQAWI STILL DEAD!

And the bump is still one percent. If they recycle this story many more times, it'll be minus one percent.

Guess it's time to propose a constitutional amendment to deport transsexual Puerto Ricans.

THE BUSH PRESIDENTS AND "THE VISION THING"

Bush Apologizes to L.A. Times ReporterJun 15 12:42 PM US/Eastern
By NEDRA PICKLERAssociated Press Writer
WASHINGTON
President Bush, who often teases members of the White House press corps, apologized Wednesday after he poked fun at a reporter for wearing sunglasses without realizing they were needed for vision loss.
The exchange occurred at a news conference in the Rose Garden.

Bush called on Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten and asked if he was going to ask his question with his "shades" on.
"For the viewers, there's no sun," Bush said to the television cameras.
But even though the sun was behind the clouds, Wallsten still needs the sunglasses because he has Stargardt's disease, a form of macular degeneration that causes progressive vision loss. The condition causes Wallsten to be sensitive to glare and even on a cloudy day, can cause pain and increase the loss of sight.
Wallsten said Bush called his cell phone later in the day to apologize and tell him that he didn't know he had the disease. Wallsten said he interrupted and told the president that no apology was necessary and that he didn't feel offended since he hadn't told anyone at the White House about his condition.
"He said, `I needle you guys out of affection,'" Wallsten said. "I said, 'I understand that, but I don't want you to treat me any differently because of this.'"
Wallsten said the president said he would not treat him differently, so Wallsten encouraged him to "needle away."
"He said, `I will. Next time I'll just use a different needle,'" Wallsten said.
Wallsten said he thought that was a pretty good line. And his only complaint is that the president didn't answer his question at the news conference.
Wallsten, who is also author of a book coming out next month titled "One Party Country: The Republican Plan for Dominance in the 21st Century," had asked about White House credibility now in the aftermath of top aide Karl Rove having been cleared in the CIA leak investigation. But Bush said he wouldn't comment with another top White House aide still facing prosecution in the case.

While this may garner W an "Unsmoothie Award", he really didn't handle it too badly. We all make mistakes. I really don't run this to pick at the president. It's kind of a reminder of something we learn in diversity training. Just don't comment on somebody's appearance in the workplace. Even a compliment can blow up in your face.

When you're asked by your spouse "Do I look fat in this dress?" you're pretty much screwed. Other than that, no comment on personal appearance of either sex and you've eliminated one potential headache.

Oh, on the "fat" question, eliminate this answer "As long as you don't sweat much, it'll be ok!" That one doesn't work.

BOYS IN THE MARKETPLACE

Boys were the preeminent students in American High Schools for years. Now Boys are the academic duds. What to do about that? As an employer, I have an easy solution. Hire more women. What's the problem with that? Isn't the workplace supposed to be competitive?

If boys want to p!ss away their academic time to play video games, there's still 54% of our population out there succeeding and getting ready to be stars in the workplace. What's the problem with that?

ROVER'S UPCOMING ROAD TRIP

Karl Rove will not be charged criminally by the Republican Special Prosecutor. The SP could not prove whether Karl actually lied about not talking to Matt Cooper or whether his memory is just that bad. As evidence of his bad memory, Karl would be able to offer the facts that he forgot to graduate from college and that he completely forgot about when Colin Powell told him and the president that invading Iraq was a bad idea and that, if they insisted on doing it anyway, something more like 225,000 troops was the "overwhelming force" ticket.

Does anybody really think that it's a coincidence that Karl's non-charge comes out the day President Bush does his "secret" trip to Iraq? About as much as I believe OJ's out looking for the "real killer".

In probably July, on a slow news day, Karl will announce he's leaving the White House because he "Wants to spend more time with his family". When that happens, think "deal". Karl leaves public life and no charges are filed.

THERE'S BRAVE AND THEN THERE'S STUPID: MOTORCYCLES, HELMETS AND PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES

Super Bowl Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger was in what appears to have been in a serious motorcycle accident this morning. This is the Monday after the Friday his coach asked him to pretty please wear a helmet. The injuries, of course, include head injuries.

I hope it's not as serious as the Pitt newspapers are making it sound and I hope this wakes up some professional athletes about the importance of their personal safety. It's like big Ben never heard of Winslow or Williams. At least Robin Yount wore protective gear and was professionally trained.

If I own a professional sports team, I'm gonna bargain for a no motorcycle clause that even precludes my athlete owning one! This is a modern epidemic and many dollars have been lost and many dreams broken because if poor judgment.

WINE HANDLING

Just watched a feature on handling wine. I now officially have a headache. Store on its side; Chill and let whites breathe; have a climate control case; Reds at room temperature, this goes with this. STOP THIS MADNESS!

THE REAL RULES OF WINE HANDLING

1. "What's the Word? Thunderbird! What's the price? 30 twice!

2. Hold the bottle in the lower middle;

3. Place free hand on screw cap;

4. Lefty loosey;

5. Bottom of screw cap is sharp--be careful;

6. Arrange Designated Driver;

7. Hold to lips and turn upside down--or, styrofoam cups optional.

These wine snobs make this way too complicated.

UPON FURTHER REVIEW: COMMENTATOR IS RIGHT

Having reflected upon the positive suggestions of a recent commentator, I have to agree. If I am trying to encourage the exchange of ideas in a mature fashion free of invective, then it is counterproductive to use loaded names, however well deserved. Accordingly, the "Witch" (terminology) is dead.

I thank the reader, or readers, for the thoughtful comments.

PRAYERS FOR JUDY

One of the greatest decisions I ever made in my life was to take up caddying as a boy of 13. As I got a little older, had the opportunity to carry some professionals and advanced amateurs' bags.

In those years, I had the chance to be in the same playing group as the young Judy Toerlumke, a serious young player from Texas. It was curious to watch her hook her way around the golf course. Even then, she was a gallery magnet and unfailingly gracious and polite. She was also a curiosity because she held the club like it was a torque wrench but still played beautifully. Her left hand was turned way around to the top of the club and the right hand faced the target. She was the only advanced player I ever saw whose palms didn't face each other. The image of her gracious personality and quirky grip are burned into my memory banks. She's locked into my brain as a seriously committed 18 year old. Later, of course, she became Judy Rankin. Her equally quirky husband was known for hiding behind trees while he threw fits of frustration about her worst days of play.

So it's a shock to hear she's suffering from cancer. When I go to the Relay for Life tonight, I'll say a special prayer for her. She's provided so much enjoyment for so many people as player, author and commentator, one can only hope her interesting and helpful life goes on in a satisfying way.

BUSH ON ZARQAWI: WHERE IS THE BALANCE COMING FROM?

President Bush's remarks concerning the death of Zarqawi were very balanced and cautious. No Macho Talk and no End Zone Dances. This is very non-Rove behavior. Are we seeing the leavening hand of Karen Hughes back on the tiller of this usually misbegotten administration? Someone has injected a grownup into the cowboy administration. There could be a bounce in it for the pachyderms. Very astute geopolitics.

ILLINOIS 17TH CONG. DISTRICT: ZINGA STILL TONE DEAF AND JUNK YARD DOG MEAN

A recent comment urged me to abandon calling Zinga "Wicked Witch of the North". I was considering it when WWN reappeared in Quincy yesterday.

She seemed a little dyspeptic about the fact that "political bosses" had selected Phil Hare. The unspoken selection was that her candidacy was legitimate and Hare, selected by the Statutory process, was not. First, I wonder if whe checked with Jil Tracy about that. Tracy was selected by True Political bosses, County Chairmen, not committeemen.

Second, I wonder if WWN is suggesting that the dem. party should have simply abandoned the process required by the Illinois Statutes and made up some kind of unsanctioned general election. That would have been interesting. The GOP insiders would have been tripping over one another to get to court to take our candidate off the ballot as illegitimate.

Finally, if WWN thinks elected precinct committement are "Political Bosses" and therefore to be dumped on, I wonder how that makes the republican precinct committement throughout the district feel. If committemen are some lower life form whose decisions should be suspect, then one would suppose that applies to commiteemen of both parties.

Memo to GOP committemen: Remember this when WWN sends you yard signs to put up, bumper stickers to put on vehicles and postcards to send to your friends.

I really didn't think it was possible to be thicker than Mark Baker, but she is well on her way to pulling it off.

PRIMARY DAY: CULVER, HARE, CALIFORNIA--"CENTRISTS" TAKE NOTICE

Interesting day around the Country. DLC types didn't win. Unabashed lefties and those not running from the dem. party won. Cal. Dem Sec'y of State Candidate won all but four counties! Ah-nold, are you watching?

The press made a big deal of the outcome of Billbray-Busby but she pretty much spit the bit in the last week and still only lost by four percent. This was freaking Duke Cunningham's district which the GOP should have won by 25%. Unless the GOP can put the bandaid from Hell on this thing by October or so, "The Hammer's" empire is likely be diluted or totally unwound.

One caution: five months in politics is like 100 lifetimes. The twists and turns between now and then should be endless.

HARE: FAIR AND SQUARE, HE'S THERE

It's Hare. UMRBlog has absolutely no problem supporting him wholehearedly.

I feel for the other fine candidates, especially my buddy, John Sullivan, but the race was a credit to all who entered. The party and the district are better for all of your efforts. Thank You!

I'll write more about the campaign between Phil and the Wicked Witch of the North later.

BIG "Z": FRAGILE, VOLATILE BUT ALWAYS INTERESTING

It is a complete contradiction in terms that the Cubs' most reliable starter over the last four years has been their most erratic personality. Kerry Wood is flamboyant and brittle. Prior is Stoic and brittle. Maddux has to be perfect to win. Carlos Zambrano takes the ball every five days. He bounces his 250 pound body around the infield like a rubber ball. He pouts. He gives umpires grief. He hits. He bunts. He runs the bases like a raging bull. He wastes energy in every imaginable way. He can walk three guys in a row in one start and be Hershiser perfect in the next. He can be endearing to his teammates and he can treat them like the bottom of a bird cage. He's a big baby and he's a solid soldier. He competes like mad and he just flat quits while still on the mound at other times. Watching him pitch is like watching Van Gogh drive in a demolition derby.

He's the John Daly of big league pitchers. Huge talent and ample human frailty. As he demonstrated @ Ken Lay Park last night, he's always compelling viewing.

When you cut through the style points, though, you find that he's a better than average MLB pitcher and that he takes the ball every five days. If he stays healthy, his career could still be pretty special.

OPEN QUALIFYING MONDAY--A SPORTS MERITOCRACY

Today is one of my favorite days in sports, U.S. Open Qualifying Monday. The USGA doesn't care where you play, what your gender is, how old you are, whether you are an amateur or professional or what your national origin is. All that matters is: Can you shoot a number low enough to enable you to compete for the National Championship of the USA.

It's tremendously stressful but it always yields good stories, like High School Players and low impact amateurs having that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play for the US Open Championship. In the best sense, it is still an "Open" championship.

This year, the process is devalued a bit because of the Michelle Wie effort. 16 year old millionaires tend to bore me. I'm more interested in the forty year old car dealer from New Jersey or the 16 year old High School Junior with the Vietnamese name from Valencia, California who break through.

Of course keep in mind that these folks are playing for the right to face a golf course that eats people two weeks from now.

BEEF IN THE BOONIES

Another great job by the ACYDs on the steak feed! It was beautifully organized, well attended and a lot of fun. Normally, I don't go all gooey about political speeches but the Sheriff really did a great job talking about the promises he made and kept as well as his dynamic plans for the future.

There were also some unusual golf swings exhibited and the West Parking Lot was perhaps in jeopardy from a few low line drives that weren't exactly right on the flagstick.

I hope the energetic leadership of this organization will make this an annual event. I think everybody there last night would support this event annually and the ACYD's would be able to be more active with a war chest each cycle.

Credit to John Sullivan and Rob Mellon for being in attendance. Didn't see any of the other candidates.

SECRETARY OF STATE JESSE WHITE: HOW LONG DOES "NICE" TAKE?

For eight years, Jesse White has been talking about the importance of civility and helpfulness in his facilities. For those same 8 years, his employees at any number of Springfield facilities have made "rude" into an art form.

Well, it turns out that Jesse's persistence has paid off. There are new people in "meet the public" posts and they are......My God!......helpful and friendly! Jesse kept knocking on that door and finally kicked it in. It looks to me like he actually changed a culture.

Under all parties, our local Driver's License Facility has been nice. I'm talking here about the many Springfield facilities. A notable improvement in "Customer Commitment". Way to go, Jesse! Now. could you talk to the Gov. about how this is done?

CUBAN TO BUY CUBS????????

Anybody with competitive spirit and about half a brain buying the Cubs would be a relief but Mark Cuban would be Nirvana. He'd spend money. He'd insist on player development. He'd get a strong baseball man in place to make deals. He'd advocate for the fans, even the ones on the rooftops.

Almost anything would be better than the Trib but...Mark Cuban? Where do I sign?