ALL TIME WINNER OF.......

......THE "MR. AFTERSHAVE ARRIVES THREE DAYS BEFORE I DO" AWARD.

Guy was 25 feet away in a moderate crosswind, blocked out by a tree where I couldn't see him. Still, I knew he was there and I knew who he was. My God, he must roll around in it!

Somebody please explain this phenomenon to me!

LOCAL REPUBLICANS MOVE INTO "PLAY IT AGAIN PORN"

The Adams County Republican Central Committee has selected a building in the 4500 block of Broadway. This from the party that has blasted the last three democratic mayors for alleged insufficient support of the Historic District (downtown to you conventional thinkers).

More interesting. This buidling used to house a "Play it again Sports" franchise. "Play it again" is a nice theme for the Flat Earth Party.

Finally, in the piece de la Resistance, the pachyderms are officing in where one of their featured members used to distribute "adult" material. Hope nobody returns a DVD through the drop box-- in a plain brown wrapper.

Anyhow, the "Tracy" signs look real fine in there. All of you downtown businessmen go by and take a look. See how the Local GOP feels the vital exchange of ideas doesn't happen in the part of town where Lincoln and Douglas debated.

And to you GOP volunteers, do count your walk-ins.

What the Hell are they thinkin'?

WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?

There seems to be a fashion boomlet in Peoria. I was briefly there this week and saw a large number of women wearing fairly casual shorts and tops and really high heels out in public (Restaurant, Court House, Quite a few at an upscale Mall. Based on their vehicles and the places I saw this look, these were not "working girls". These were wealthy or upper middle class women. It's gotta be a pain for them and not very practicle (who wants to walk a mall in that Unie).

Is the "LA Ho' " look sweeping the nation and I'm just the last to hear about it?

Strange.

UH, GUYS, PUT A SOCK IN IT, HUH?

Late lunch, small eatery. Two, guys, next table. These guys were literally talking about a business deal that had some confidential information in it and was worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to them. They made no effort to keep it hushed. I know everything I need to know to either mess it up or maybe even get some of it myself. I got the idea that they thought it was kinda cool to talk loud about their big deal. I thought it was beyond stupid.

If you fellas can't restrain yourselves, order out next time.

ABC

MUSINGS ON LEBANESE, WEAPONS AND CONDINISTA FOREIGN POLICY

Almost every major city in the USA has its cadre of lebanese-americans. Virtually without exception, they are enterprising, hard-working, law-abiding and community-minded. These folks are a very important part of our commerce and politics. If you need an example, Peoria, Illinois will do nicely. They are part of a close and warm connection between the Lebanese people and the American People. It's not by accident that "The American University" is in Beirut. Damage to this important country and to relatives of our citizens is not to be taken lightly.

On the other hand, we are, in effect, the sponsor of the Jewish State. But for Harry Truman and Clark Clifford, there would be no Israel.

We're in an obvious spot. We can't tell Israel to moderate their response after we've occupied two countries, now can we? OTOH, if we don't bring about some relief for innocent civilians in Lebanon, some of our own citizens are going to be left feeling unsupported. So far Condi and that preening, unconfirmed, colonialist with the bad mustache, Bolton, have pretty much said "Well, Stuff happens." How long before, for example, Ray LaHood, says, "Boys and Girls, that's not good enough. Let's get a lid on this."?

It'd be a hard argument to ignore. We can tell Turkey what foreign policy to have and mock France for differing with us but we can't make any suggestions to Israel on matters effecting our most important goal, peace in the middle east? This is what I love about Condi/Shrub. When it suits us, we tell everybody else on the planet how to act--the world's only superpower, goes the tiresome truism--but when we're in the hot seat we just respect the hell out of everybody else's sovereignty and offer no direction. It's pretty weak and it's pretty phony.

On another topic, has anybody else noticed that Hezbollah does not seem to be running out of weaponry? Of course you have. It's an open secret that Israel has one of the finest field intelligence services in the history of the world but they obviously didn't plan for this much hardware in response to their Lebanon/Gaza strikes. By now, their intelligence weenies are in the "Whoopsie!" mode and under enormous pressure to track the sources of this weaponry. Keep in mind this stuff does not just move because all concerned desire "death to the unbelievers!" It moves because people make a freaking profit on it. As a general rule, that kind of money leaves tracks. Israeli intelligence officers will find the money trail. Whoever made a profit on these deals (Arab, Jew or Christian) is probably going to wish they had gone into another line of work. This is nothing you will read about in the newspaper. Bad things will start happening to these folks (and probably their families) and it won't matter whether they change their names and move to Argentina or Siberia. Payback, in this case, will probably literally be Hell.

I know this is not nearly as important as flag burning, gay marriage, the Jon McCoy for Sheriff Barbecue, Patronage in local government, School Zone Speeding enforcement, The 93rd Legislative District election or Phil Hare's Grade Point Average in High School but it seemed to merit a day's worth of discussion before Beirut, "The Paris of the Middle East" burns to the ground.

Oh, yeah, before some of you flip completely out, note that this discussion is completely about United States Foreign Policy and Israeli intelligence--Not about how poorly Lebanon has handled its end of this whole mess, before, after and during, which I concede in a heartbeat. Nor is it about Israel's right to defend itself.

SUPER-DOOPER EMERGENCY SPECIAL TO THE QUINCY UNDERGROUND

Hello! Never mind all this political and government crapola, let's get those digital baby pictures up! The world is waiting.

"RETOOL"--WHAT AN INTERESTING ASPIRATION....

.....From the candidate who wants to be the next Republican Governor after George Ryan!

Wow! Fine Speechwriter there.

PRICING AND SURCHARGES IN CAR WORLD

Bought some items over the last two days. Lemme See, a bag of coffee, a toner cartridge for a printer, a sandwich, a pair of shoes and a car.

With the coffee, the toner, the sandwich and the shoes, I rec'd documents (receipts in all cases, warranties in some cases). None of the places charged me a document fee.

The coffee came from South America, the sandwich parts came from all over the central US, the Toner came from Colorado and the Shoes were made in New York. Nobody charged me a "destination fee".

The Sandwich had to be built to my order. There was no "Dealer Preparation" Fee.

The car came from Kentucky, I believe. There was a fee for getting it to Quincy, Illinois. Unlike the Sandwich, the was a fee for the dealer getting the car fit for me to use.

As anybody who has ever bought or sold a car can tell you, there are some simple Secretary of State docs to be filled out. With all due respect to dealeship secretaries the world around (who, I'm sure, do other things requiring talent.) a reasonable moron could fill out these docs in under ten minutes and mail them to Springfield. Still, they charged me a document fee that, in part, paid for the time I had to sit and listen to the pitch for their extended service contract.

The whole process of car dealership relations is just simply made painful by Detroit custom and practice and certain requirements of federal law. My dealership did as much as it could to make the whole experience less unpleasant than it could have been. This is not a quarrel with any dealer, it's just to point out that we have a customer unfriendly system and it's no wonder car companies are in distress. Americans consider car shopping stressful and they're right.

WHITE HOUSE PRESS RELEASE: BUSH TO VETO STEM CELL BILL........BECAUSE.....

.........These wireless phones have just gotten too small!

SO, YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A TEST PILOT

Firefox 2, Beta is available. All they ask is that you tell them when you hit snags. I'm down wit' dat.

Also, Google has a new simple free (my favorite price) spreadsheet out.

This Blog favors no particular software producer but will occasionally point out a Beta or a freebie (a/k/a "Lootie")

KING'S ENGLISH, AMERICAN ENGLISH, BODY ENGLISH AND IGNORANT ENGLISH

Had a scratchy throat this weekend and I guess I was speaking softly. On five different occasions, I said something to a listener (in each case a total stranger) which was not understood. All were said pleasantly and none had a confrontational tone. The responses were as follows:

"I'm sorry, sir, I didn't hear you"

"What?"

"Do What?"

"Do What?"

"Do What, Now?" (this by a guy with terminal body odor).

Is "Do What?" supposed to be clever? Where does that come from? I always resist it when Repubs tell me the culture is "coarsening". If we can't speak the language any better and more politely than that, maybe they're right. Of course, for Repubs that leads to the next question "Who would Jesus invade to solve this problem?"

BALK! NO PITCH! ALL RUNNERS ADVANCE ONE BASE!

The only baby more eagerly awaited than Brad and Angelina's is playing hard to get. Mom to the hospital this morning. Kid gave a little head and shoulder fake and then said "nothing doing".

Lootie, an emergency beer run may be in order. Daddy is finding things a little stressful.

LANE EVANS' "OTHER" CONSTITUTENTS MOURN HIS DEPARTURE

Because “the Veteran”, official publication of Vietnam Veterans of America, is not available on the Web, I’m taking the liberty as a member of reprinting it here in honor of my friend, Lane Evans. If you get a chance to look at it, with the great photos, do so. It’s special and moving.

END OF AN ERA: Lane Evans Retires

“U.S. Rep. Lane Evans (D-Ill), one of VVA’s strongest and most influential supporters on Capitol Hill, announced in March that he would not seek re-election for what would have been his 12th term representing Illinois’ 17th Congressional District. Evans, 55, who was first elected to the House in 1982, is suffering from Parkinson’s disease.

As the ranking Democratic member of the House Veterans’ Affairs Committee, Lane Evans is widely recognized as one of the leading advocates for veterans in Congress. His legislative accomplishments man hard fought battles for Vietnam verterans. Evans, for one thing, spearheaded the long, successful effort to enact Agent Orange compensation. A Marine during the Vietnam War era, he was one of the first members of Congress to speak out about problems experienced by Persian Gulf veterans.

In 1990 VVA presented Lane Evans the first President’s Award for Outstanding Achievement.

“Lane’s compassion for his fellow veterans and his commitment to do right by them has come from the heart,” said VVA President John Rowan. “The legacy he leaves can be found in the legislation he crafted during his long tenure on the House Veterans’ Affairs Committee. To say he will be missed is an understatement of grand proportions.”

(If you don't fully appreciate or understand this, just trust me. It's been a very big deal.)

FRIDAY FLASH: THIS JUST IN!--CITY WORKERS BEING STALKED BY STRANGE MAN ON TRICYCLE

A known looter was spotted stalking City Workers who were diligently attempting to remove certain sawhorses following unfortunate yorking to death of an undocumented mexican bicycle rider in the 2200 block of an undisclosed Street named after a certain State. The workers are resting comfortably after being hospitalized for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The known Looter was last seen near the dumpster behind the Hy-Vee Liquor Store. Police sketch has been delayed. Yelling was heard from the investigative division, something about "Nobody could be that freaking Ugly!"

Updates to follow.

IF HEZBOLLAH WERE A STOCK, I'D BE SELLING

Dipwad of the month award goes to the Hezzie/Hamas Crowd. Now I understand this conflict has been going on for years but this particular set of battles was begun by Hezzies cleverly abducting an Israeli Soldier. Israelis the blew up every Porta Potty in the Gaza Strip. Our heroes responded to this by brilliantly snatching yet another two soldiers and declaring solidarity with Lebanon. At this particular point, I'm sure Lebanon, the country, was saying "Do me a favor and don't do me a favor."

Israeli AF dropped a couple of random explosives on Lebanon, just to let everybody know they paying attention. At this exact moment, the Hezzies played the Ultimate stupid card. Holding three freshly kidnapped soldiers, they began negotiating for the release of "political prisoners" when they should have been saying "Oh, this was a terrible mistake by radical elements.. we'll have 'em right back to you. Thank you for Shopping at Hezzie-Mart". Anyway, that was pretty much the end for Lebanon. It is now officially a bomb range.

Another great victory for the brilliant palestinian people. Hell, even the little rat, Arafat, coulda done better than this on life support.

STUPID DIVORCE TRICKS

I haven't done divorce work in 20 years and I surely can't top Daddy blowing up the rental building so Mommy won't get it (New York) but this incident caused me to reflect on all the self-destructive things I saw in the divorce field.

Here's the stupidest one I know: Several Million dollar estate. Young, smart, attractive people, no kids, relatively short term marriage. Most of the wealth is in multiple parcels of real estate. Huge Tax impact of liquidating devastating. Obvious solution, "One for you, one for me, one for you, on for me..." Had probably three million dollars worth of real and personal property amicably split up and the deal broke up over a lawn mower (worth no more than fifty bucks) and a cheapy shotgun (no antique, no family heirloom worth maybe, on it's best day 75 bucks). Five days of negotiation down the chute. Case was tried. Judge ordered the empire liquidated. Both of them fought with the IRS for the next six years over the taxes. Hell, they spent more time together at accountants offices and the IRS than they did at home when they were married. Fortunately for me, I was not the attorney for either one of them in the divorce but they were both my friends and it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

99% of the time, divorce makes smart people stupid.

DIRTY BOMBS, DIRTY PLAYERS AND.......DIRTY BEER?

Today, I should be writing about the Hamas whack jobs kidnapping soldiers but that's too depressing, or the World Cup Red Card, but that's too French, or the Mumbai/Bombay bombings but that's too sad. So I watched the All Star Game, thinking I would write about that. Unfortunately, there's nothing left to be said.

But, I did watch the beer commercials and saw one for Bud Select that re-raised a claim from earlier ads. Bud Select......FINISHES CLEAN. I have no freaking idea what that means. I used to drink my share of beer and somebody else's. Never once did my last gulp of any brand have dirt in it. If BS is the only beer that "Finishes Clean" does that mean that all the other brands "finish dirty?"

No Joke. I have no idea what this term means. Educate me.

IMMIGRATION, A HISTORICAL AND MACROECONOMIC VIEW

Again, this from our friends at Delancey Place


........ attempts to stop or slow immigration create a black market in migration, and historically, immigration continues through government attempts to suppress it:"International migration is a natural consequence of capitalist market formation in the developing world (and) the international flow of labor follows international flows of goods and capital, but in the opposite direction..."

Once international migration has begun, private institutions and voluntary organizations also tend to arise to satisfy the demand created by a growing imbalance between the large number of people who seek entry into a capital-rich country and the limited number of immigrant visas these countries typically offer. This imbalance, and the barriers that core countries erect to keep people out, create a lucrative economic niche for entrepreneurs and institutions dedicated to promoting international movement for profit, yielding a black market in migration. As this underground market creates conditions conducive to exploitation and victimization, voluntary humanitarian organizations arise in developed countries to enforce the rights and improve the treatment of legal and undocumented migrants."

(Douglas S. Massey, et.al., Worlds in Motion, Understanding International Migration at the End of the Millennium, Oxford, 1998, pp. 41-44. Specific reference is made in this excerpt to works by Jacqueline Maria Hagan, Deciding to be Legal: A Maya Community in Houston (1994), and Susan Gonzales Baker, 'Implementing the US Legalization Program', International Migration Review, (1993))

I've gotta admit, I've never considered this modern issue in the US in the context of What these folks are saying are inevitable economic consequences, reactions and imperatives. Nor have I completely thought through why our border situation would or wouldn't fit into this set of predictable imperatives. It's pretty difficult to game this out when you're probably talking about a table top exercise spread over 50 to 100 years. Very provocative thoughts.

ADDENDUM TO 7/10 POST: USA TODAY COLUMNIST TAKES UMRBlog's POSITION!

Dewayne Wickham (causing coffee to come out my nose) wrote this in this Morning's USAT. Now I'm worried. My political opinion almost never tracks with the mainstream media. Anon, you gotta read this. Just click. It won't hurt as long as you're not drinking something when you first notice it.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/columnist/wickham/2006-07-10-wickham_x.htm

TUESDAY BONUS: REEFER MADNESS IN THE GREAT WHITE NORTH

Ricky Williams gained six yards in nine carries in the Toronto Argonauts' loss this weekend. He also picked up twelve yards in two catches. Total Offense 18 yards in a league with just three downs?

How far this remarkable young man has fallen.

GOOD MEDICINE IS GOOD POLITICS: SPECIAL TO GUY DEMOCRATS OVER FORTY

As Norman Schwarzkopf noted some years ago, "The stupidest thing a man can do is die of prostate cancer". Why? Because, detected early, it is one of the most treatable, non-lethal cancers. So, all you democrat guys, ask your doctor when you should start getting tested and do what he/she says. In this way, as we age, there'll be more democrat survivors than republicans and we'll whip them with the old-retired-guy vote! Once a year to ensure your survival undergo a simple quick test. There is really no downside.

Side note to our republican friends. We really don't mind if you counter this medico-political move by getting yourselves tested. Let's all be healthy and fight it out till we're 96 or so!

WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT SAYING "I WILL SUPPORT THE NOMINEE OF MY PARTY"?

Joe Liebermann has a strong opponent in the August Senate Primary in Conn. He is also covering his bets by arranging an independent candidacy. When his democrat colleagues are asked whether they'll support him if he loses, they turn themselves inside out avoiding the question. (Notable exception is HRC who correctly says a contested primary is the way our party selects candidates). Chris Dodd is the latest example.

Nothing wrong with expressing a preference in the primary but what the hell is so difficult about, at the end of the day, saying "I'll support my party's nominee." It turns out the big jocks on the national scene are no better than some of my local friends at this particular skill.

Maybe our party should have a giant teach-in on this subject.

HOMEBLOG SECURITY: YOU'RE WELCOME

Somehow, in amongst giving away Warren Buffet's money, the folks at Microsoft have cooked up patches for Windows XP and Office. They will be available for download on Tuesday. If you use Excel a lot, get 'em as soon as they come out.

In the meantime, consider using non-Microsoft alternatives for Excel. There is at least one good free one out there.

WHO WOULD JESUS TORTURE?

There is nothing new about the idea of using torture to get vital information to the survival of a nation-state. Lately, some legal intellectuals (strangely, mostly lefties) have been floating the idea of judicially supervised torture. The government would have to apply for Torture Warrant (Like a Search Warrant or an Eavesdropping Order) and state its grounds and, I suppose the extent of discomfort it would inflict on the subject.

How does this hit you? If you were King/Queen of the world, how would you handle it?

SAD BUT TRUE: CINDY SHEEHAN NO LONGER RELEVANT

As a Legion and VVA member, I mourn Cindy Sheehan's loss. Still, she's so obviously around the bend now that she can no longer be an opinion leader. A leader is someone who others willingly follow. Yesterday Sheehan said she'd rather live under the Venezuelan regime than in the USA under president Bush. Game, Set, Match. Americans are funny about that stuff. When you say you prefer a foreign country, it's pretty much "OK, you go live there and we'll make the best USA we can." I'm guessing that all but her most whacked out followers will drift away gradually.

Bad move, Cindy.

SWEARING IN TOOK PLACE WHERE?

New State Rep got sworn in today, right here in Quincy. That's natural, Quincy's the capital of the State of Illinois, isn't it? Wait, it's not. Well, then this is her home town. Sure, that's it. Wait, it's not. That would be Mt. Sterling.

Don't think I've ever heard of a replacement State Rep. being sworn in anyplace but his/her home town or the State capital. Wonder why that didn't happen here.

Certainly it had nothing to do with this being the media center of most of the district. Such atawdry consideration couldn't have possibly influenced the new State Rep. to take this spectacle away from her own neighbors in Brown County. Surely not. There must be some bona fide reason I'm missing.

WHY...........

.....Does Jim Hendry Still have a job?

.....Have we reduced our Status of Forces on the Korean Penninsula, when the NoKos are led by an aggressive whack job?

.....Can't store clerks count change backwards without a microchip?

.....Can't youth baseball players have a non-All Star league to play in from about July 4 to the time school starts?

.....Are there so many new Start-up excercise facilities and so many really, really fat people not joining them?

......Did the Quincy Medical Group have 55 non-essential employees on their payroll in the first place?

.....Do some people get so stirred up about the Illinois State Police patrolling in Quincy when, last time I looked, Quincy is, indeed in Illinois?

......Do parents have no clue what their teens are putting on MySpace?

......Do the Illinois Republicans have an overwhelming desire to run Guys named "Ryan" for Statewide Office.

......Does the United States administration think it's OK that Japan is building militarily in response to the NoKo threat?

......Doesn't anybody seem to remember what Japan did with full militarization last time they had it?

.....Does our country talk about bringing democracy to other countries while we suck up to a country with a leader who took over by military coup (Pakistan);

.....Don't most of our local industries and governmental units have an extended evacuation plan?

.....Can't the Cubs figure out that having baserunners is first prerequisite to having muli-run innings.

THE FUTURE OF NEWSPAPERS AS WE KNOW THEM

Had a great RW chat with another 'blog host. We are pretty much in agreement that the newspaper as we know it won't be around in twenty-five years. What about in five years?

Whatcha think?

BTW, Happy Fourth--This is the day we celebrate the signing of the Declaration on July 2, 1776. Might sound like heresy but it happens to be true.

STEROIDS AND ASTRONOMY: CALL THE GRAMMAR POLICE!

I've been reading some astronomy books lately and getting basically informed about all the space junk that is waiting to ram our planet before Al Gore can save it. Anyhow, today I kind of got off topic. Let me explain.

If you add the letter "a" to the word "typical" you get a word that means "not typical".

If you add the letter "a" to the word "periodic", you get a word that means "not periodic" or "the opposite of periodic"

If you add the letter "a" to the word "symptomatic" you get a word that means "not symptomatic"

So how come if you add the letter "a" to the word "steroid", you get a word that means "Big Rock whistling through space, gonna thump your momma."

I have a call in to Jose Canseco and I'm sure he can clear this up.

Enjoy the Fourth Safely.

SUNDAY SPECIAL: DIRECT LINE TO CHEVVY ADVERTISING GUY WITH THE SPEECH DEFECT

1. Nobody cares where you went to buy baseball cards;

2. Parkside dairy is now a porn shop;

3. This annoying commercial has been running since the Civil War--Please stop the pain!

4. The tri-state area has several fine speech therapists. The letters "th" do not sound like the letter "d";

5. Just so you know, there are other Chevvy dealers in easy driving range of Quincy and their commercials are produced and announced by native english speakers who manage not to be annoying;

6. Just tell people about your outstanding product!

7. There is no charge for this consultation.

ADAMS COUNTY AMBULANCE SERVICE ATTABOY

Somebody close to me needed an ambulance today. ACAS handled it quickly, professionally and, most importantly, very conservatively. Thanks. All ended well, due in large measure to your professionalism.