EEOC PROBLEM IN DUI INVESTIGATION

How come they're always testing for Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus?

When is Vertical gonna get some love?

TODAY'S THEME

Maybe this is just a subset of yesterday's theme. Today it's people I'm trying to help--access the system, avoid penalties, avoid jail time, come into compliance on this or that--and they want to argue with me and Rage Against the Machine. People, God gave you two ears and one mouth. Listen to what is being said to you...it is a path out of the wilderness. Your filibuster is a path to the Adams County Jail.


ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

TODAY WAS FULL OF...

........People who can't follow simple instructions and are in trouble for it.

Some days have themes this one was "Life is hard when you're stupid."

MODEST TRUTHFUL DISCLAIMER

There is a commenter in a local internet news outlet and perhaps its attendant blogs using the initials "ABC".

As many of you know, those are my initials (my father's as well, although his name was different from mine.)

Anyhow, whoever has chosen that moniker is welcome to it. Just know it's not me. No heartburn, just a clarification.

THE VISION THING

Feature in local paper stated it was going to cover the "vision" of the School Board President.

Nothing about SAT/ACT scores, NMS awards, future of the Vo-Tech program, retention rates, graduation rates, attendance improvement, five year goals, ten year goals, tech adaptation, infrastructure maintenance.

Sounds to me like "I want to be President because I want to be President."

(Note to creative readers: This is NOT a comment on the merits of the pending lawsuit or one absolving the other six for their part in this cluster.)

A PIECE OF RETAIL

Elizabeth Edwards is opening a furniture store in NC.

Can't help wondering whether they'll sell love seats.

YOU DIDN'T ASK BUT.....

This from the Rules Governing the conduct of Illinois Lawyers. Read Carefully. This is not simple. These rules are to be modified next year.

RULE 3.6 Trial Publicity

(a) A lawyer who is participating or has participated in the investigation or litigation of a matter shall not make an extrajudicial statement that a reasonable person would expect to be disseminated by means of public communication if the lawyer knows or reasonably should know that it would pose a serious and imminent threat to the fairness of an adjudicative proceeding.

(b) There are certain subjects which would pose a serious and imminent threat to the fairness of a proceeding, particularly when they refer to a civil matter triable to a jury, or a criminal matter. These subjects relate to:

(1) the character, credibility, reputation or criminal record of a party, suspect in a criminal investigation or witness, or the identity of a witness, or the expected testimony of a party or witness;

(2) in a criminal case, the possibility of a plea of guilty to the offense or the existence or contents of any confession, admission, or statement given by a defendant or suspect or that person’s failure to make a statement;

(3) the performance or results of any examination or test or the failure of a person to submit to an examination or test, or the nature of physical evidence expected to be presented;

(4) any opinion as to the guilt or innocence of a defendant or suspect in a criminal case;

(5) information that the lawyer knows or reasonably should know is likely to be inadmissible as evidence in a trial; or

(6) the fact that a defendant has been charged with a crime, unless there is included therein a statement explaining that the charge is merely an accusation and that the defendant is presumed innocent unless proven guilty.

(c) Notwithstanding paragraph (a), a lawyer may state:

(1) the claim, offense or defense involved and, except when prohibited by law, the identity of the persons involved;

(2) information contained in a public record;

(3) that an investigation of a matter is in progress;

(4) the scheduling or result of any step in litigation;

(5) a request for assistance in obtaining evidence and information necessary thereto;

(6) a warning of danger concerning the behavior of a person involved, when there is reason to believe that there exists the likelihood of substantial harm to an individual or to the public interest; and

(7) in a criminal case, in addition to subparagraphs (1) through (6);

(i) the identity, residence, occupation, and family status of the accused,

(ii) if the accused has not been apprehended, information necessary to aid in apprehension of that person,

(iii) the fact, time, and place of arrest, and

(iv) the identity of investigating and arresting officers or agencies and the length of the investigation.

(d) Notwithstanding paragraph (a), a lawyer may make a statement that a reasonable lawyer would believe is required to protect a client from the substantial undue prejudicial effect of recent publicity not initiated by the lawyer or the lawyer’s client. A statement made pursuant to this paragraph shall be limited to such information as is necessary to mitigate the recent adverse publicity.

(e) No lawyer in a firm, or government agency, or otherwise associated with a lawyer subject to paragraph (a) shall make a statement prohibited by paragraph (a).

RANDOM, NON-EXHAUSTIVE, IN-NO-PARTICULAR-ORDER THOUGHTS ON LAWYERING IN THE BASIN

1. It's not about you. It's about the client's welfare.

2. Listen. The client knows more about the facts of the case than you do.

3. Never start at Nuclear. That leaves you no escalation option.

4. It takes no talent to fudge the facts but it takes real talent to argue how the facts, as you find them, entitle your client to relief.

5. Let the Clerks and Security Folks enrich your life. They will if you just control your "inner jerk."

6. Never kill a witness unless the witness signs up for lawyer-assisted suicide.

7. Nobody wins a beanball war.

8. Work Fast, Throw Strikes.

9 Same two teams play next week.

10 Ask your question so the witness can understand it, not to show you have a doctoral degree.

12. Address Judges in court as "Your Honor" or "The Court"--not "Judge" or "you".

13. Lawyers spend a lot of time with heads close together whispering--brush your teeth more often than actual, normal humans.

14. "Please" and "Thank you" should sandwich every request to court personnel.

15. Actually, the court personnel and the lawyers of the opposite sex are not yearning for your touch. After you smile and shake hands, stay out of their space.

16. If you really know a skill that helps the administration of justice--teach it.

17. The best kind of free legal work is the kind you don't tell anyone else about.

18. If you haven't read the (ethics) Disciplinary Rules in 6 months, everything you think you know is obsolete.

19. Boasting is unseemly. Praising others for work well done uplifts the entire profession.

20. When in doubt ask yourself "What would my mother have me do right now?"

GET A NEW NAME!

While I am grateful CBS broadcasts the PGA championship, I don't love their staff or or approach. Still, I could gag it down if they'd just lose the "Glory's Last Shot!"

Whoever thought this beauty up, needs to go back to cereal jingles or something.

In the meantime, hope nobody gets hit by lightning.

AVOIDING HEAD CASES

If I owned or operated a golf course, I would require all employees working on the surface of the golf course to be eye-protected and Hard-hatted whenever they were on the surface of the golf course.

Golf balls and tree limbs do funny things on golf courses. Courses are such pleasant places, nobody should ever get hurt on one (beyond losing three legs, all the greenies and four or five presses.)

DEBRA FOSTER'S SEVENTEEN MINUTES AND TWENTY-NINE SECONDS OF FAME

After viewing this breathtaking exhibition, I have some thoughts. Let me begin by stating that I don't know any of the people involved in the tragic accident and don't know Ms. Foster. I have no dog in this fight but here goes:

1. If I were representing a client and a family member started publicly spouted off about facts and theories of the case, that client would be finding himself a new lawyer. I'd be moving for leave to get off the case so fast it would cause everybody involved a nosebleed;

2. Usually plea-bargaining is done by the attorneys through private correspondence and in-person out of court conversations. Occasionally it is done in court under a unique Illinois Supreme Court Rule. This is the first time I have seen it done on television by a CLIENT'S MOTHER;

3. If I had all this good stuff and my client were going to persuasively testify that he heroically swerved to avoid an accident, why would I want to give the prosecutor an early start getting ready for that theory? Why would I want anybody to let any cats out of any bags early? How could such a premature blurt improve the Defendant's chances at trial. I suppose next mother is going to take out his gall bladder with a pen knife, needle-nosed pliers and duct tape.

4. What the Hell difference does it make to Mrs. Foster's son what the State charges the other driver with? None of that is going to be admissible in her son's case so, indeed, what does Mrs. Foster care? (Note: I wouldn't get eyestrain looking for that driver to testify either.). It's just irrational.

5. Why on God's green earth would she talk about her son's medical care? What does that have to do with his behavior as a driver? The fact (if it is fact) that there was no full neuro workup operates to his advantage. He gets to have had a concussion whether he had one or not.

6. Why would she use catchy little phrases like "blame game" and annoy the very people she's trying to influence. Does she think the State's Attorney's Officen is feeling all warm fuzzies toward her remarks and will, consequently, want to find some middle ground with her son.

7. What was the purpose of suggesting that one of the investigating officers would testify contrary to his earlier testimony at a later time. Accusing people of planning to lie at some time in the future is, at best, curious.

8. Finally, Note to self: check the nursing staff roster of any local facility before seeking care there.

Look, I get loving your kids and wanting to help but leave professional services to the professionals.

On the plus side, this was a new experience. I'd never seen anything quite like this before. Toto, what State you think we're in now?

WANNA CUT DOWN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE BEANBALL FIGHTS?

Duh, let the pitchers bat. Another reason the DH is a bad idea.

POLICE CAR CHASES, RISK/REWARD RATIOS AND DEAD INNOCENTS

Yet again a California police chase has resulted in dead non-combatants.

Every fleeing offender situation is slightly different and each has to be taken on its own merits. Still, if the fleeing person is no immediate danger to others, the chase is often more dangerous than awaiting another chance to take the jackrabbit into custody. The sun doesn't shine on the same dog's tail every day.

More than twenty years ago, Quincy Police Department modified its pursuit rules. Our Sheriff has intelligent pursuit policies and the Illinois State Police have vastly improved standards in this respect.

It seems to me, in light of the technology and changes in the case law, California and some of our Southern States should consider more limited pursuit permissions and give watch commanders more power to shut down a car chase when the reaons for it are not compelling and the public danger is considerable.

"HOT LAPS"

Click here for this "burn notice"

Perhaps another reason not to try to date women who smoke.

KIND OF BUMMED

There is no listing for "Cyril Baptiste" in Wikipedia. Cyril Baptiste was Len Bias, only he survived longer. Every young athlete should know about Cyril Baptiste.

CRABTREE'S ERROR: WHEN DEALING WITH MILLIONS, GET SKILLED HELP

The best WR in the NFL draft is muttering holdout.

Crab, tell your peeps to shut up. In fact, get better peeps. You're gonna be a multi-millionaire anyhow. Sign a short contract with an evil roster bonus in two years. You'll be a superstar and they'll have to pay you big time on the second split. Nobody loves you when you're not playing.

Oh, and you're cousin's your advisor? How'd that work out for A-Rod?

NOT HERE IN THE BASIN

There'll be no organized disruption of any town hall meetings here.

Our lefties and righties are all too civilized to behave so crudely. They realize it's a little difficult to maintain you believe in civil discourse if you're behavior's disrupting it.

If our people were going to moon or something, they would have already done it at a School Board meeting.

BILL CLINTON RETURNS FROM NOKO WHACKOLAND WITH AMERICAN JOURNALISTS

Bill Richardson picks nits.

Put a sock in it, Bill

CONTINUING WITH MY SUNNY DISPOSITION PHASE....

...It is my belief that Summer Sweet Corn is one of the ways God shows himself to us. Where else could such perfection come from?

REALLY GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE BASIN

As I have written before we have really, really good physical therapists here. It's almost like you can't go wrong. There are that many great ones. (Which reminds me, that is one of the reasons QU should reach out to disabled vets to attend there, especially now with the enhancement of the formerly stingy GI Bill.)

We have an abundance (per capita) of especially good, honest, empathetic and well-stocked Golf Stores and Pro Shops. To be sure, there are special strengths of each but, if you like golf and you want good gear and apparel at a reasonable price with candid sales approaches, River City is the place for you to shop!

Another place where you can't go wrong is Detail Shops. Whichever one you go to of the three major places, you will be satisfied. And the price will be about one third of what you pay in a major city. (BTW, I happen to think once a year detailing is, like, basic maintenance. Don't wait till you're gonna sell your car. Oh, and hold the "cash for clunkers" jokes.)

Finally, there is the service you never want to use, Outstanding Funeral Homes. We have no factories, chains or other strange arrangements (not that they are always bad). Yeah, the death industry is kind of adhesive but here, anywhere, it is as honest as it can be. Wherever you take your loved one, you are likely to be well treated.

These are just a few who come to mind. Add yours. Hold the consumer complaints for another time.

A LESSON IN PATIENCE: AUGUST 1

Sometimes the coach in me just takes over and I have to seize (pardon the trendy, sickening term) "teachable moments".

Around eleven this morning I was motoring along eastbound on State Street when I had to stop for a red light. The vehicle behind me was a very clean, nice large Chevy pickup. The light turned green for eastbound traffic and I pressed the gas gently. Apparently I didn't move into the intersection quickly enough to satisfy Mr. Chevy. He activated the horn, not once, but twice. Now I know it's bad for his heart to become that excited. I've read all that "type A behavior and your heart" stuff and I felt I owed to this fellow to "teachable moment" him. I'm sure he learned a lot between about 36th and about 46th following me at 18 miles an hour (with heavy westbound traffic blocking the potential passing lane). I'm sure he figured out, when I speeded up to 35 at about 46th to 48th that it was not inadvertent.

I'm proud to report that he showed no signs of road rage.

Mr. Chevy, you're welcome. You're heart's welcome. Live long and prosper. Oh, and one beep is impatient courtesy (or somewhat courteous impatience)...two is a body part.