THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

So far today, I've been in the Circuit Court, the State's Attorney's Office, the Circuit Clerk, The Probation Department, the City Treasurer, Comptroller, HR Director and Reception area. There's one or more sick person in every one of them.

What a recipe for epidemic disease. Get everybody on a negative diet, sleep deprived and full of anxiety, then jam them into crowded places (Malls, WalMarts, Churches and Parties) where they can share all of the mutant, antibiotic resistant bugs they've cooked up in their little human petry dishes and then, if they're not already contaminated, keep them in the house all day sharing the same food source.

Honoring Baby Jesus by viral sharing--It's a family value. Since we really don't know what date Jesus was actually born on, maybe we should Spread the holiday around in the warm months. You know, like A-E in May, F-M in June, etc. This would also help reduce stress on package handlers and spread cash flow more evenly for retailers. I'll be the Centers for Disease Control would like it!

WHO WROTE THAT GRANT?

I just read in several national newspapers that there was this massive study done to gauge the sexual activity of young people. The came to the astonishing conclusion that a boatload of youngsters were having intercourse before they got married. Can you imagine that?

That was certainly money well spent. They should have stood it on its head and studied whether the guys who were claiming to score regularly actually were (or whether it was the quiet guy who didn't put his business in the street.)

I feel like a better person for having this penetrating knowledge.

HAGGARD, BUT NOT MERLE

"I never had sexual relations with that.....uh.....man!"

Haven't we seen this script before?

The fellow seems to have a nice family and a good heart. I hope he gets his poop in a group sometime in the future. I also hope he hasn't compromised his health or that of his wife.

When we put a mortal man so far "above" us other mortals, it puts him danger of falling from a high place. Swaggart, Bakker, even Jack Welch. We're all imperfect. The high flyers just fall harder and more publicly. They're not hypocrites, they're just flawed human beings, just like the rest of us. Our flaws may come in different spheres, but we've all got 'em.

Get well, Pastor. Remember the tale of Icarus and don't fly so high next time.

HARDBALL COLLEGE TOUR: WHEREFORE ART THOU?

Hardball College Tour is not scheduled to come to QU? Worse, because our lame cable service doesn't bring us MSNBC, we can't even watch the Tour at less deserving Univerities. Wish we weren't so electronically backward. Gives us a bad reputation. I'm dissapointed not to get to see which one of John McCain's multiple personalities will be on display.