DEAR MR. RUDE PUKE HATHEAD BASKETBALL FAN

You are everywhere, BDG, The Pit, Pepsi, upper and lower, and you're very big in Liberty.

I am talking to all in your species. Did your mother ever tell you that it was rude to wear your hat indoors? Did it ever occur to you that the short woman sitting behind you, who paid for her ticket just like you, is having trouble seeing over you and even more trouble seeing over your lovely, adjustable, high crowned, Skoal logo cap? Does it really mean that much to you, at a school basketball game for you to tell the world, with your ball cap, that you're a Carolina Panthers' fan? Have you considered that the little boy you brought along to the game (presumably your son --must be your visitation weekend) is learning something from watching your rude, self-absorbed behavior? Or perhaps that thing is just stapled to your head.

Or maybe it's much simpler. Maybe you're just so stupid that the idea of removing an outdoor accessory INDOORS just never gets onto your radar screen. Or maybe your bulb is so dim that your radar screen isn't even illuminated. You really don't look that stupid. You're clean, have most of your teeth and seem to have dressed yourself. If you are that stupid and if you represent the new, emerging America, this would mean we need a whole new level of remedial signage at the area Gyms. It would be like "Gym behavior 099". A start would be:

NO PEEING IN THE HALLS--PLEASE USE THE RESTROOMS

NO SMOKING IN THE CROWDED GYM WITH THE GUY IN FRONT OF YOU WEARING A SWEATER THAT'LL GO UP LIKE KINDLING

CONCEALED CARRY IS DISCOURAGED ON SCHOOL PROPERTY

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM GROPING OTHER FANS

TAKE YOUR FREAKING HAT OFF IN THE GYM!

Should we really have to tell people stuff like this?