ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I'M SUCCUMBING TO PUBLIC PRESSURE
OK, I give up! Everybody's asking what REALLY happened Tuesday and I have thought I should keep it private. But, in the interest of full disclosure, here it is:
1--gag hook, left grunge; seven iron shoved, viagra chip (tense for more than four hours), two putts
2--flip hook, left grunge; four iron shoved into Sherwood Forest; pitch shot over green into upper deck, another viagra chip; two putts; Sulk
3--Snow shovel push off tee with a four iron; dropkick sickly seven iron into hazard (no splash, pike position, Russian Judge Screwed me or I would have won the ball diving contest); Lob wedge to five feet, one putt;
4--Watch Bob Ace; spastic-shove nine iron, non-neuropathy pitch to 6 feet, make putt straight down Matterhorn
5--Death Grip hook into right trees; Hack rescue club onto fairway; sickly sand wedge layup; Carlos Marmol slider 8 iron to left fringe; two putts
6 --Big Looping Hook into Blockout forest: Grunt low hook out to right with three iron; wedge to 25 feet, lipout for two putts
7--Crush drive in middle; swing 8 iron somewhat like torque wrench and leave it short right; some kind of scissorhands, terrible chip to about 12 feet; two putts, both demonstrating peripheral neuropathy
8--Crush drive into wind on wet fairway; Accidentally thump four iron onto green; Never scare hole with a Jerry's Kids birdie putt;
9--Throat-closing pushed 8 iron right of bunker, somewhere near Palmyra; hack lob wedge somewhere on green, putt accidentally falls into hole
10 -- Pitiful bunt right; pullhook; spastic pitchdump into bunker; bunker shot to six inches, make putt.
11 -- Pedro Martinez curveball into the left Kutara Depression; jerk lob wedge up somewhere in the neighborhood; putt somehow stumbles into hole;
12 -- Four iron to right fairway; wedge to four feet; hit first putt too hard; sulk.
13 --Spinout no-motor-skills-but-plenty-of-force power hook into left rhubarb; cut beautiful four iron to middle of green; three freaking putts, sulk
14 --power choke-shove into right spinach; fat four iron that somehow stumbled onto green; two putts.
15 --hit 8 iron fat; take divot about the size of Ecuador and leave it way right; Nudge ugly pitch shot to ten feet; shove first putt way right, hits rock or punch mark and accidentally goes into hole; smile
16--Large Drive right fairway; screaming mallard four iron into left bunker; blast to 8 feet; miss easy, straight putt while making it look hard; sulk
17--(Nasty Rain begins) Toe Hook into left Gazunga; hybrid to 150 markers; totally indigestible, retch-inducing, thin rightward seven iron to right rough; gouge Sand Wedge out to 20 feet; mishit putt but also misread it--they canceled one another out and putt went in. Stopped sulking
18 -- Hit 4 iron off tee for the safety of motorists on 36th St and cleverly fly it into right rough, tree line; 8 iron over a tree somehow stumbles onto left edge of green; two putt by Braille
I knew you'd want to know.
1--gag hook, left grunge; seven iron shoved, viagra chip (tense for more than four hours), two putts
2--flip hook, left grunge; four iron shoved into Sherwood Forest; pitch shot over green into upper deck, another viagra chip; two putts; Sulk
3--Snow shovel push off tee with a four iron; dropkick sickly seven iron into hazard (no splash, pike position, Russian Judge Screwed me or I would have won the ball diving contest); Lob wedge to five feet, one putt;
4--Watch Bob Ace; spastic-shove nine iron, non-neuropathy pitch to 6 feet, make putt straight down Matterhorn
5--Death Grip hook into right trees; Hack rescue club onto fairway; sickly sand wedge layup; Carlos Marmol slider 8 iron to left fringe; two putts
6 --Big Looping Hook into Blockout forest: Grunt low hook out to right with three iron; wedge to 25 feet, lipout for two putts
7--Crush drive in middle; swing 8 iron somewhat like torque wrench and leave it short right; some kind of scissorhands, terrible chip to about 12 feet; two putts, both demonstrating peripheral neuropathy
8--Crush drive into wind on wet fairway; Accidentally thump four iron onto green; Never scare hole with a Jerry's Kids birdie putt;
9--Throat-closing pushed 8 iron right of bunker, somewhere near Palmyra; hack lob wedge somewhere on green, putt accidentally falls into hole
10 -- Pitiful bunt right; pullhook; spastic pitchdump into bunker; bunker shot to six inches, make putt.
11 -- Pedro Martinez curveball into the left Kutara Depression; jerk lob wedge up somewhere in the neighborhood; putt somehow stumbles into hole;
12 -- Four iron to right fairway; wedge to four feet; hit first putt too hard; sulk.
13 --Spinout no-motor-skills-but-plenty-of-force power hook into left rhubarb; cut beautiful four iron to middle of green; three freaking putts, sulk
14 --power choke-shove into right spinach; fat four iron that somehow stumbled onto green; two putts.
15 --hit 8 iron fat; take divot about the size of Ecuador and leave it way right; Nudge ugly pitch shot to ten feet; shove first putt way right, hits rock or punch mark and accidentally goes into hole; smile
16--Large Drive right fairway; screaming mallard four iron into left bunker; blast to 8 feet; miss easy, straight putt while making it look hard; sulk
17--(Nasty Rain begins) Toe Hook into left Gazunga; hybrid to 150 markers; totally indigestible, retch-inducing, thin rightward seven iron to right rough; gouge Sand Wedge out to 20 feet; mishit putt but also misread it--they canceled one another out and putt went in. Stopped sulking
18 -- Hit 4 iron off tee for the safety of motorists on 36th St and cleverly fly it into right rough, tree line; 8 iron over a tree somehow stumbles onto left edge of green; two putt by Braille
I knew you'd want to know.
posted by UMRBlog @ 07:33
20 comments
20 Comments:
This is really eating at you, isn't it?
How did Spring do?
Hmm what should I do today... I know drive around and stalk the mayor and take pictures of peoples cars in parking lots. "Journalism" at it's finest, great job quincyblahs.bored
Anon 1820,
Damn right. Only hit five fairways and had a damn three putt.
TYFCB
Obs
Didn't ask and he didn't say.
TYFCB
Umr 8:11 PM, April 30, 2009
Yeah, that's what I meant. Do at least one more post on this bone head Statute of Liberty flyby golf outing Einstein. Maybe take it all the way into next week to show everyone how it doesn't bother you.
17 gets me every single time too. Couple of weeks ago playing in super secret company outing, 5-over and playing great, drive right, punch out, 120 yards on right side of fairway. Do I play it safe and hit it left? NOOOOOO. Plunk, beach baby in yawning trap, two shots to get out, blast over green, indifferent putt, snowman, round shot to you know where.
Enjoyed my dinner last night, BTW ....
2040,
It's really eating at one of us. That's clear.
TYFCB
Umr 5:33
No kidding? What's clear is, it's eating at a whole bunch of people. You just maintain your arrogance. I know you can do it.
Arrogance? I'm not the one who knows nothing of what the occasion was for our group to be out there. Simultaneously maintaining ignorance and claiming some kind of high ground is the height of arrogance. But....it obviously makes you feel good so knock yourself out.
TYFCB
Here is a non golf related question .
Why was the budget pay raises and the water & sewer plus meter raping not made public BEFORE the election ?
Bonus question :
Does Andrew just sorta make up laws ? His legal rulings are some what suspect to other well versed law dogs .
What up (or down, I should say) with the Cubs?
1958,
Inconsistent offense, substandard middle relief, Low OBP.
Good News is that the SP is still very good.
The real baseball expert in my family thinks they feel homeless cuz they have no owner and the propective new owner has no money (you'd kind of think they'd do a credit check first, wouldn't you?)
TYFCB
Umr 6:39
It's about perception. If there was an easy explanation to clear this up, you would have done it by now.
We apparently pay you to find the legal means necessary to keep the shades drawn on this administration's dealings. It's crap, and it will change.
1038,
You're right. They're bringing Jake Fox up from the minors, generate some more offense. That'll change the crap.
TYFCB
Season is early for the Cubs
10:41
You just keep up the fine upstanding work of denying information. You should be very proud of yourself and the $84K we give you to be dishonest for a living.
Anon name-caller,
Let's compare reputations. Even my enemies will concede I'm honest. You........well, you're anonymous. I don't mind anon posting at all but it ain't exactly standup to question someone's integrity from behind your "Oz" curtain.
BTW, this blog is not the government. You have no constitutional or statutory right to obtain information from it or, for that matter, to have your comments published. I just published that one because I thought it was amusing in a pitiful sniveling, hopeless kind of way.
Next time try to be interesting.
TYFCB
Umr 5:04
Is it your opinion that the Spring administration is open? That is, does it freely provide information as to the financials of what it uses taxpayer dollars for?
I believe the city provides any information requested by LEGITIMATE news organizations. By legitimate of course, I'm referring to those that don't stalk public officials in parking lot; or post blogs based not on recorded facts, but on what the so-called reporter remembered.
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