Tuesday, April 22, 2008

WHY OBAMA SHOULD QUIT THE RACE

First, this extended race is bad for the party's chances in the fall (at least that's what all my Obama supporter friends have been telling me);

Second, the obscene amount of money he spends trying to win key industrial states causes him to be criticized as an "Elitist";

Third, Donna Brazille is going to explode if she has to act like she's actually neutral for even one more week;

Fourth, This campaign is very hard on White Guys who genuinely disagree with Obama on anything--they are tired of being called racists;

Fifth, Jamal sprained a face muscle tonight trying to smile while overmatched against Begala for the umpty-umpth time;

Sixth, Bill Bennett has so many proposition bets down on this race the only way he can win is to hit a middle against the spread--Obama quits, Bennett loses;

Seventh, Quincy's own Jim Burns (the one who still lives here, not the one who comes here to play golf) has used up his entire quota of letters to the editor about presidential races through 2020;

Eighth, John Lewis has flipped so many times, he is now dating Olga Korbutt;

Ninth, It is very confusing for all democrats when they have to turn to Fox News for the only non-repeating, fact-based commentary on a democrat race (Who'da thunk it?)

Tenth, Our old, dear and respected friend, Dick Durbin, needs to save some of his considerable energy for his own fall campaign.

Eleventh, How did the last national leader fathered by a man born in another country, educated at Harvard Law and who rose to national prominence in a critical time in American History do?--For those of you listening at home on the radio, have your pencils and scorecards ready, That would be Gonzo. Really bad Kharma.

Twelfth, Michael Moore? You really wanna tow the USS Ronald Reagan with a rope between your teeth, swimming against the tide?

Thirteenth, Michigan. Your passive-aggressive approach there scotched any possibility of open elections. I have news: They know. They remember.

Fourteenth, Florida. A good enough reason for any democrat not to run for president, but they have a special place in their hearts for you. The good news is that Florida democrats couldn't organize a one family weenie roast. The bad news is
that Florida democrats couldn't organize a one family weenie roast.

Fifteenth and final, conclusive reason for you to pull out now--Ta-Da--Claire McCaskill! After weeks of intensive research The Basin is unable to find a regular, loyal democrat whom she hasn't offended in some way. At least when somebody puts a microphone in Michael Moore's face, it's Michael Moore. He gets to edit his own stuff. She says her stuff to journalists who actually, like, report it. As Missouri goes......

(Note to the Humor-Challenged: The purpose of this comment is to have a little fun and to encourage the "drop out" cheerleaders to take a chill pill. Democracy is a good thing. If anybody actually makes a serious reply to this, I would encourage him to take up tropical fish or stamp collecting)


13 Comments:

At 6:40 AM, April 23, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the truth hidden in humor. Thanks for a great funny. Ok, back to my fish.

 
At 7:00 AM, April 23, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the "Jim Burns" reference. We haven't heard from Ned Behrensmeyer for awhile, maybe they're one and the same. Either way, they both make me shake my head (side to side, not up and down).

 
At 9:30 AM, April 23, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not official till Polly Welcher and Don Bastean, or Ann Hughes weigh in.

Like the Who say, "Listning to you, I get opininions, listening to you, I get the story....."

 
At 12:57 PM, April 23, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very nice work!

 
At 2:21 PM, April 23, 2008, Blogger UMRBlog said...

Fred,

Jim Burns wrote a valuable letter the other night--very important stuff--and it had nothing to do with the presidential election.

There are never enough good hearted people in public life. I was only spoofing my neighbor and friend about his Obamania, not his political or social views.

TYFCB

 
At 5:40 PM, April 23, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you were and I don't know if I know this particular Jim Burns, or not. I worked with one, briefly, a long time ago. Either way, I did read his letter the other night and don't agree with him. Jim and the other gal, whose name I can't come up with right now, keep blaming us (the white folk) for the minorities' problems and pretty much painting all non-minorities with the racism brush. I bristle at that brush. No pun intended. However, your humorous entry that you desired to not be serious has taken that turn.

 
At 7:27 PM, April 23, 2008, Blogger UMRBlog said...

Fred,

Take a step back and remove the pigment from the letter. How can it be argued that all of us could be more welcoming and open to those who come to our town?

I think the underlying exhortation to be better hosts to all who visit our town, was a needed splash of cold water.

If we all so that, the racial part of it falls away. We just welcome humans--what a concept!

I'm with Jim on this one.

TYFCB and for having the courage to speak your mind on a sensitive topic. Bill Richardson will probably now call you a racist.

 
At 6:37 AM, April 24, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was halfway through a ten paragraph diatribe when I gave up. It wasn't my intent to argue with you, so I will go dig that issue out of the recycle pile and see if I misread it.

 
At 7:05 AM, April 24, 2008, Blogger UMRBlog said...

I don't think you misread it. I was just expanding the "Good Will To Man" message implicit in it. I'm not arguing it wasn't a bit preachy.

TYFCB

 
At 7:26 AM, April 24, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe we can get Jim Burns to go to Chicago and fix things there since Mr. Obama couldn't get it done. The Democrats have controlled Chicago forever and this is what their citizens get.

"Nine people were killed in 36 shootings last weekend, one of Chicago's first spring-like stretches of weather this year."

I know it's probably because our National Guard is deployed in Iraq!

 
At 8:14 AM, April 24, 2008, Blogger UMRBlog said...

Bushie,

Actually, the OTHER Jim Burns did a hell of a job of fighting that problem. Poor FitzGerald has to fight off Carl Rove with one hand while trying to do his job with the other. At least Burns didn't get "Goodling'd"

TYFCB

 
At 8:27 AM, April 24, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, in that case, I can't disagree. With you. This time. I'll still shake my head side to side when I read Jim's, Ned's and sometimes ol' Russ' when I read them in the Whig. Is the guy on the Barry Blacktop with the hand-painted, anti-everything signs Ned?

 
At 2:11 PM, April 24, 2008, Blogger Joe "Truth 101" Kelly said...

You missed one of the great moments in conversation when Ned and Tookie met at South Park. It was the only time that I've known the Took that he couldn't get in a word.

 

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