WHY OBAMA SHOULD QUIT THE RACE

First, this extended race is bad for the party's chances in the fall (at least that's what all my Obama supporter friends have been telling me);

Second, the obscene amount of money he spends trying to win key industrial states causes him to be criticized as an "Elitist";

Third, Donna Brazille is going to explode if she has to act like she's actually neutral for even one more week;

Fourth, This campaign is very hard on White Guys who genuinely disagree with Obama on anything--they are tired of being called racists;

Fifth, Jamal sprained a face muscle tonight trying to smile while overmatched against Begala for the umpty-umpth time;

Sixth, Bill Bennett has so many proposition bets down on this race the only way he can win is to hit a middle against the spread--Obama quits, Bennett loses;

Seventh, Quincy's own Jim Burns (the one who still lives here, not the one who comes here to play golf) has used up his entire quota of letters to the editor about presidential races through 2020;

Eighth, John Lewis has flipped so many times, he is now dating Olga Korbutt;

Ninth, It is very confusing for all democrats when they have to turn to Fox News for the only non-repeating, fact-based commentary on a democrat race (Who'da thunk it?)

Tenth, Our old, dear and respected friend, Dick Durbin, needs to save some of his considerable energy for his own fall campaign.

Eleventh, How did the last national leader fathered by a man born in another country, educated at Harvard Law and who rose to national prominence in a critical time in American History do?--For those of you listening at home on the radio, have your pencils and scorecards ready, That would be Gonzo. Really bad Kharma.

Twelfth, Michael Moore? You really wanna tow the USS Ronald Reagan with a rope between your teeth, swimming against the tide?

Thirteenth, Michigan. Your passive-aggressive approach there scotched any possibility of open elections. I have news: They know. They remember.

Fourteenth, Florida. A good enough reason for any democrat not to run for president, but they have a special place in their hearts for you. The good news is that Florida democrats couldn't organize a one family weenie roast. The bad news is that Florida democrats couldn't organize a one family weenie roast.

Fifteenth and final, conclusive reason for you to pull out now--Ta-Da--Claire McCaskill! After weeks of intensive research The Basin is unable to find a regular, loyal democrat whom she hasn't offended in some way. At least when somebody puts a microphone in Michael Moore's face, it's Michael Moore. He gets to edit his own stuff. She says her stuff to journalists who actually, like, report it. As Missouri goes......

(Note to the Humor-Challenged: The purpose of this comment is to have a little fun and to encourage the "drop out" cheerleaders to take a chill pill. Democracy is a good thing. If anybody actually makes a serious reply to this, I would encourage him to take up tropical fish or stamp collecting)