DECEMBER 29 REVISITED: HE DID IT AND HERE'S HOW

Despite all the good advice he got in here to the contrary, Mr. 4-year-affair spilled his guts today.

Here's how he managed it.

First he told everything to a physician friend. He enlisted the physician's aid. The Dr. called his wife and said "Judy, Mike's in my office and we have a fairly serious concern. Can you get here right away?" Of course, she came. At that point all the Doc did was say, "Mike and I have been talking and he feels you should know about his situation." She was, of course, terrified so she listened without interrupting.

He was quick but complete, he acknowledged the money and the sex, detailed how careful and willful he had been in his conniving. He went through the reasons he felt compelled to tell her and tied them to his religious conversion. He said he was certain she didn't know the woman but he would tell her as much or as little about her as she wanted to know. If she wanted him gone, he'd leave without a whimper. He told her he was already in counseling and he'd go to marriage counseling as much or as little as she wanted. He cried. She didn't.

She asked if he was finished. He added some begging for forgiveness and cried some more. Added nothing, really. Then it was her turn.

She said, very quietly, "I listened to you. Will you listened to me now?" Of course, he said "Yes."

She told him she was sure he had been sleeping around, although she never saw any evidence of it. The reason she was so sure is that she had lacked energy as a partner for the past several years. If he was having a sexual outlet somewhere else, she was glad it was with one partner and not risky situations. She said she had been seeking medical attention about the lack of energy and she does not blame him for being impatient with her (Not surprisingly, he had never noticed anything different about her--he was too busy planning his next love-in.) Now she's found out that the reason for her low energy is a tumor on her thyroid. She had put off telling him until after the holidays. She will have to go to a major teaching hospital for surgery soon. She couldn't make any decisions about their lives together until after she learned whether the thing was malignant or not.

She declared she was now going home. If he came home after work, she would take that as a sign he would be with her for the surgery, knowing she still had decisions to make. If he didn't come home, she would take that as a sign he couldn't live in limbo that long. She said she knew that wasn't really fair to him (ironic) but she couldn't know what she would feel or want until after the surgery.

He cried some more. She didn't really console him. Finally, she said "I'm leaving now."

He is still at work. He says he's going home. I hope he's man enough to go home and stay home.

As some of you hinted, I suspect he'll never completely get his arms around the fact that it's not always about him.

So it's too soon to evaluate his performance. For now, we can say he beat the spread but he has not won the game.