SORIANO

For now, let's skip the part about where they will play him.

This kind of signing only makes sense in two contexts. First, if you are intentionally trying to make your team impossible to sell, jack up payroll--TribCo saving itself from its impulse to sell off "parts". Second, a high impact offensive player helps a team with starting pitching, meaning you only make this deal knowing you still have an excellent chance to tie up two good starters (Wood's a flyer. Miller is one, Hill is .5, Z is one. Short 2.5 starting pitchers. Long way to go.).

Also you have to believe that they have thoroughly vetted his birth certificate. Remember George Bell? Turns out he was older than Cool Papa Bell.