EARLY FATHERS' DAY THOUGHTS: THE NON-NUCLEAR FAMILY CAN SUCCEED
I have some young friends who dated for a while, maybe four, five years ago. They did what healthy young people sometimes do and made a baby. They have never been married. In fact, they have not even continued as a couple.
That child has two loving, fully engaged parents, devoted aunts and uncles and two sets of devoted grandparents. So far as I know, there has never been a dispute about the young father financially supporting the child and the behavior of the two parents in front of the child, tensions nothwithstanding, has been exemplary.
I'm not saying the traditional nuclear family isn't the best option for child-rearing but, if we had more responsible young parents, like my two friends, a lot of little kids would have a better shake. I guess the more unusual of the two is the young man, who never hesitated to man up to fatherly responsibilities but the mother could easily have played the victim or horsed around with visitation games. None of that happened and the child is better for it.
Maybe there's nothing we can do to encourage mutual parenting for young folks who simply, for whatever reason, can't marry. Maybe it's just that these kids had good parenting themselves and knew to put the child first. I don't know but it beats Hell out of blame, denial and endless disputes over money and visitation.
posted by UMRBlog @ 03:26
9 comments
9 Comments:
My fear was worrying how my child would be perceived with his peers. This generation is growing accustomed to the fact that mom and dad live apart. Just look at the percentage of divorces.
I believe in the old ways of marriage and raising children. If two people can put their children first in every matter things might work out for the best. Time will only tell. Your friends seem to have a good support group behind them.
All the best to their situation and the child.
If they had put the child first, they would be married.
1153,
Not only do I respect that view, I probably would have shared it without question until maybe ten years ago.
Now, I think your position is the default, but not the absolute. What benefit for a child if two people who are incompatible for a lifetime marry? Leaving aside the moral component, I have now seen that two earnest people can give a child an excellent upbringing, show each other respect and raise a secure, loved child.
TYFCB
There are always exceptions. Best plan is to just not have a child until you are married. It would go a long way in solving some of our social woes.
1313,
On that we can agree but sometimes life happens. Obviously when my topic here comes up, we're already past that point.
TYFCB
Well, you always try to make the best of a bad situation. Your post sounds like you're encouraging behavior that more times than not, doesn't turn out as it has for your friends. If you're merely reporting on their good fortune, you should clarify that for the younguns.
I appreciate your grave concern on this topic but look at the first clause of the first sentence in the third paragraph. I can't make it any clearer than that.
Besides, if you think what anybody's doing by the dashboard lights is ruled by what UMRBlog writes, you're according me more power than I could ever possess. This Just in!: The Basin cannot counter biology!
TYFCB
So, now I'm prayin' for the end of time to hurry up and arrive! 'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you I don't think that I can barely survive!
Interesting topic. It is easy to say that the traditional husband/wife team is best equipped to raise a child, and this is probably true most of the time but not necessarily always.
My wife and I know a handful of single women who have adopted children (most from Vietnam) that are giving these kids a far better life than they would have otherwise had. Some have pretty strong family support and I imagine the Grandpa takes on some of the "dad" roles (especially with boys, someone has to teach them to pee outside and not into the wind). Others don't seem to have much family support, but they seem to make it work one way or another.
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