CLUB SELECTION
As one who paid for much of law school caddying for professionals, I can tell you one considers the following things in roughly the order listed in selecting a club for any given shot.
The lie of the ball
The distance to the target
Other course conditions, wind, temperature, moisture
How your player is striking the ball that particular day
Knowing all this, what is the correct club when the distance is under a yard, the course is Riverview Park (Not a golf course) and the lie is a 15-year-old's melon?
Points will be given for reasoning and originality.
BTW, I had to use a golf club in self-defense once and I must have selected the right one. My attacker left bleeding and running directly away from me and all I had was a hand bruise. After some time for comment, I will disclose the "right" club for self-defense.
posted by UMRBlog @ 06:08
9 comments
9 Comments:
Use what your neighbor always uses ... the dreaded hand wedge.
I think a 5 iron would be best.
I'm going with the nine iron. Sharp angle makes for a good deep wound, plus the sound of iron hitting skull is much more satisfying than that of wood.
Also the shorter the shaft, the more difficult for the opponent to disarm you.
I used an 8 iron, but it wasn't very scientific. It was the only club within easy reach.
TYFCB
Snap the club over your leg and stab the sumbitch
You're best to use a club that is cheap and easily replaced. Kmart and Walmart have a rack full of such clubs. Because sure as hell, right after you break accidently or purposely, you will need it by the next hole.
If you're just walking through the park a 4 or 5 iron is perfect. It's the perfect length to use as a cane and the smaller head also acts as a good grip if you prefer the stabbing motion.
Thank you for allowing me into the conversation.
Sick stuff, really.
At least when Jack did it on a freeway in LA it was on a windshield.
This is just inhumane.
Best guess would be to ask the kid in hospital who just got his "melon" slice open.
If you are the caddy and you "advise" to go with the wedge, you might have some liability if the client removes the teeth from the melon. Or could you (with a grin) claim it was only (bad) advice, and you did not compel (nor obstruct)?
But if you mean water melon, the wedge might be most entertaining.
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